Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil (via observando)
The numbness came perfectly timed. I didn’t really want to have to start dealing with the reality of this being the end for us - on top of the usual shit. The only thing I had really felt was surprise. Its funny how you can see something coming and still feel surprised when it gets there. I had known it was coming because I was pushing her to it. But I was still surprised when the words poured out. I dismantled the sentence into individual words and then individual letters, rearranged them, and then eventually laid them back out in their proper order again to try to see if they made any more sense than the first time I read them.
"I guess we should break up."
Why was irrelevant. There was more than enough reasons why. I was surprised because when they didn’t come months ago, weeks ago and then days ago, I thought they weren’t ever going to come. No matter how hard I pushed her she wouldn’t leave - and I was beginning to believe she never would. For a fraction of a second, I was angry for waiting for her to do it, but I wasn’t sure I ever could if she wanted to keep trying. I did care about her. Some days I believed I loved her. But when the words spilled out from her I was doubtful once again, because above everything, I was surprised I didn’t feel any pain or sadness. Maybe I wasn’t numb, maybe there just wasn’t anything to feel.